Are you aware of how to beat limerence permanently, but still seeking a final breakthrough to propel you into action? In this mental exercise, we are going to invert the dilemma of obsessive love/attachment by switching things up… and considering what it takes to stay trapped in its grips.

Addressing problems backwards works, and is backed by many successful people including billionaire investor Warren Buffet. If you want to truly understand how to overcome a complex issue, try taking it to the extreme. Since the brain is proficient at identifying and processing negative outcomes, doing so decreases the cognitive dissonance that holds you back from seeing the objective reality. In this case, this consists of the behavioural flaws that you need to overcome in order to liberate yourself and never become addicted to another person again.

So, here we go: 25 ways to ensure that you stay in your current limerent state and most likely fall limerent for another limerent object in the future. If you are currently single, you can assume that these steps will also guarantee that you struggle to find/date a partner that you are interested in.

1). Believe that romance is meant to hit so hard that it colours and transforms your entire life, making you euphoric on a daily basis.

2). View life deterministically, believing that connections just ‘strike you by surprise’ and that there is ‘nothing you can do’ if you happen to meet someone and become obsessed with them.

3). While you are currently limerent, allow all positive thoughts about your LO to intensify. Write about them, listen to music that makes you think of their magical perfection and make this life stage about them.

4). In a similar vein, allow yourself to focus on how dull, uninspiring and limiting everyone else in your life is compared to your LO – even your family members and friends. Let this sense of duality (“it’s my LO or nothing”) to magnify.

5). Allow yourself to perform rituals around your LO, in line with how they are affecting your mood. When you know you’ll see them soon and feel rising excitement, instead of accepting it but pouring it towards a fruitful endeavour, buy yourself a new outfit SPECIFICALLY because they’ll see you wearing it.

6). Just as you romanticise your life when your LO is giving you hints of ‘reciprocation’, make sure to stop attending to your mental and physical needs when you feel depressed because they’ve gone cold. Stop going to the gym if they won’t see you on the beach, stop cooking nice meals for yourself if you two no longer talk/send each other food photos, and neglect all your hobbies.

7). If they’re moving away (or live abroad), begin to seriously contemplate ditching your current life and moving. Even though they clearly aren’t 100% interested in the idea of a serious relationship, imagine the inventive ways you could make them fall for you… if only you were out there with them.

8). View life in very dualistic terms. Look at other couples and feel jealous of those who you feel are ‘truly’ in love in the way that you currently are, and assume that couples who look calmer together are ‘faking it’/incapable of deep feelings.

9). Assume that your unwanted obsessive feelings towards this person are ABOUT THEM and their unique personality/your complex situation. Ignore the likelihood that your potent reaction to them is speaking more about you, and is screaming at you to look within.

10). When you come across tested techniques designed to tackle your root conscious and subconscious issues, STILL assume that they won’t work for you – because your pain must be deeper than other limerents’, and your situation intractable.

11). Head to online support groups, and post long entries about your LO and your connection with them. But, focus these posts on your LO’s personality, in the hope that someone will share a ‘secret’ regarding how to win them over and end up happily ever after. Ignore everyone who tells you to commit to overcoming them.

12). Consume content designed to teach you to overcome limerence, but don’t actually implement any of the techniques properly. Allow yourself to return to listening to sad love songs and fantasising about your LO afterwards.

13). Embrace very esoteric spiritual theories, such as the twin flame theory. Feel that you and your LO are inevitably going to end up together, and ask other people who believe in twin flames/soulmates for confirmation of this.

14). Approach recovery with one foot in, one foot out – because deep down, you refuse to shake the belief that your LO is your one true love. And that you will never love again in a meaningful way if you lose them.

15). Allow a dissolution of habits/routines in general – stop doing things that you used to do, whether major hobbies or little rituals that added to your day and sustained you.

16). Accept strange dynamics with your LO – if they sometimes like to phone you and vent at 3am, tell them they’re more than welcome. If you drive their younger brother to his sports matches, keep doing this. You know romance is off the cards, but something is better than anything, right?

17). Even better, make sure to encourage that your LO and your own friends meet/get closer. Form as many little subgroups with your LO as possible… because a close friendship is totally possible right now, right?

18). Keep reflecting on how special your LO is, rather than thinking about what you need to change about yourself/your own life in order to NOT feel this impacted by them. Forget the fact that you are incredibly special too, just currently disempowered and in need of a psychological transformation.

19). Ignore the fact that you are pedestalling your LO because you perceive them as valuable (because they meet your unmet needs). Deny the role of this dynamic in creating your pain, and convince yourself that ‘anyone’ would feel so enthralled by them. Ignore the fact that they have many friends/ex-lovers who aren’t emotionally impacted by them at all.

20). Be harsh on yourself, and perpetuate the self-narrative that your disempowered state is permanent and that you are ‘wired’ for limerence. Ignore all the evidence that anyone, and I mean anyone, can implement different techniques than the ones they’ve been trying and get RADICALLY different, incredibly positive results.

21). Avoid emotional discomfort. Decide that you prefer staying trapped in your addiction and let yourself look at your LO’s social media/fall back into romanticising them during your recovery journey.

22). Prioritise short-term pleasure over long-term function. Keep telling yourself that getting a quick fix by slipping back into the same old thinking/behaviour is better than daring to endure a few weeks of intermittent lows but reaching permanent freedom.

23). Once you start recovering as a natural effect of methodically implementing the correct techniques, decide to shift your focus BACK to your LO – but this time, vilify them and their behaviour.

24). Focus on all of their character flaws and the awful way in which they lead you on. Regret having stayed by their side while love-drugged, and swallow the poison of resentment… hoping that you’ll make them feel some of the pain that you endured. Focus on them, focus on them, focus on them… and their power.

25). Dream about how you and your LO will be able to date in the future, when you have fallen out of obsessive love… because you’ll be on the same level (hint: you won’t be interested in them when you recover, and they don’t deserve you).

I hope these help you to problem-solve divergently. As goes without saying, the opposites of these 25 steps set you for limerence recovery that is genuinely life-long… they render you completely immune to limerence, which must always be your goal – you must seek to truly extirpate this problem by its roots and liberate yourself.

This is completely possible for every single one of you, if you commit to embracing temporary discomfort and jumping into the new (rather than obsessing over what you are currently caught up in). If you’re interested, check out my two books to learn exactly how to do this: here and here.