Today, we are going to confront an issue that can coincide with overcoming a painful limerent episode, which is the tendency to look back on this period of your life with immense regret and shame. Conquering limerence is dramatically easier than people realize, so it is understandable that you feel appalled and mortified at the injustice of having spent months or years trapped in an illusion that ended up actually being simple to escape.

It is also likely that your limerent object (LO) presented with a narcissistic or otherwise disordered personality, potentially treating you badly and leaving you resentful and disgusted at having once ‘loved’ them with reckless abandon. Regardless of your circumstance, these low-frequency feelings will keep you a slave to limerence – I’m going to teach you how to transcend them and instead become truly grateful for the lessons that you have learned.

You Cannot Let Yourself Be Traumatized By Unrequited Love

While it is possible to shake feelings for one limerent object (LO) and feel this way, curing yourself permanently of limerence (and hence being immune to unrequited infatuation) is contingent on you recovering from all shreds of psychological trauma. Just as you will never be safe from the pull of LOs when you carry around unresolved scars from childhood, developing a complex following a particularly scathing limerent episode is going to set you up for more in the future.

Truth Bomb: Obsessive Infatuation Is A Reflection of Self-Hatred

As you will know if you have read a lot of my content, limerence is best conceptualized as a detrimental organic phenomenon that only emerges when:

1). Your psychological needs are not being entirely met, hence this person’s personality and ‘energy’ person’s seeming rare and addictive to you.

2). Over the years, you have internalized (and left untreated) many damaging belief systems pertaining to romance, how it should feel, how others should/can treat you, what you can/should expect from life and what you have the right to experience. Any outcome in life is possible, that I can promise you, but you will only ever get a reflection of the beliefs that you hold in your subconscious mind. Excitingly, employing specific psychological tricks will neurologically rewire your brain, change your mental output and upregulate different genes. Once you at least commit to becoming truly inspired and abundant, everything in your external reality has to shift to align with this new version of you; check out my book if you’d like to learn exact practical steps that will land you on this upward trajectory.

3). You are living with elements of suppressed emotional trauma that has never been skilfully integrated into your psyche; this keeps you subconsciously seeking people to make you whole, which manifests unrequited limerence, rather than real love that is stimulating but also deep.

Failing to correctly reframe embarrassing, painful incidents or moments as interesting lessons that have been instrumental to your growth is synonymous to vibrating at the frequency of self-hatred. Aspects of your nature have spiralled out of control and aligned you with experiences that hurt you, but the prospect of actually unveiling these areas of weakness and confronting them methodically seems implausible because you don’t think you can handle the pain. Therefore, regardless of how empowered, successful and sparky you are as an individual, harbouring any emotional wounding renders you insecure and needy on a subconscious (if not also conscious) level. Radiating need, lack and generally living incongruously with your truest, most confident self is going to promise you more limerent episodes.

See Yourself As An Ever-Evolving Being

A great way to reframe the logical mind’s perception of a situation as regretful and humiliating is – you guessed it – to radically alter your belief systems as I have referred to above (point #2). Our thinking patterns are far from fixed; the human brain is the most complex organ on this planet, with marvellous restoration and rewiring capabilities. Your own brain quickly and reliably reshapes itself and changes its output depending on what you choose to feed it with. While these mechanisms, unfortunately, set us up for conditions like limerence when we do not underestimate the power that we possess and subscribe to depressing, inaccurate beliefs about ourselves, they also equip us with the necessary ammunition to magically transform any aspect of our life that we are unsatisfied with, whenever we wish.

I urge you to choose to see the world that you inhabit as a wonderful, expansive playground, and life as a challenging but thrilling adventure. Feel the waves of excitement, wonder and inspiration wash over you as you realize that a). reality has always been a holographic reflection of your internal state and that, therefore, you b). have always had the power to change your perception and reframe past embarrassment and agony as stimulating challenges that you catalysed wonderful, permanent growth in you. The goal of life is, and has always been, to rise above challenges, embrace stretch experiences (i.e. situations that push you to your limits and force you to re-piece yourselves together) and to constantly reach new levels of authenticity and exhilaration

How to Heal Limerence Trauma: Chase The Opposite of It

I always advise that you focus on consciously moving towards pleasure and fulfilment rather than away from pain. In line with this, there is no need to actively try and ‘heal yourself’ from your traumas; you should instead allow yourself to become genuinely captivated by all ideas about the world, yourself and your future life that resonate with you and free you. Ideas that would have lit you up when you were a child and made you feel gleeful, powerful and aligned with your real purpose.

When this mentality shift is achieved and sustained, your entire entity will be healed and all physiological, emotional and spiritual trauma will melt away. You will only be an energetic match for authentic people who are as alive as you but who also commit to life and relationships, showing up fully. Capricious LOs will be a thing of the past, but so will anger, resentment and horror at having fallen for their allure. Why would you lament a few chapters of your life when they taught you so much and triggered the introspection that has landed you on the surefire pathway to expansion?