The most profound lesson that limerence has taught me is to not buy into crazily strong emotions and worry that they will last forever; intensity doesn’t promise permanence. The reasoning centers of your brain will try with all their might to convince you that you will never forget someone irresistible enough to send you through ecstasy and depression, but that is completely untrue.
It is human nature to think back to being an individualized and atomized single human when in a committed relationship, but if you experience frequent intrusive thoughts about how much freer you were without romantic obligations, you are a ticking time bomb. Sooner or later, this craving to be single and meet new people, focus ‘selfishly’ on your own projects and not have to fuss over texting your partner goodnight will inundate your mind and push you towards a). being unfaithful or b). ending the relationship (certainly the more moral option).
In comparison to stable and requited love, limerence is an all-consuming and powerful phenomenon that involves a neurobiological addiction to attention from the desired person. A complex and painful experience, it encompasses not only sharp, giddying highs and lows, but also a strong sense of having found one’s ‘true love’; in fact, most limerents believe that they have found the love of their life and that their feelings will never fade.
Here are eight hallmark features of limerence. If most of these resonate you, you are certainly experiencing a temporary limerent episode and must make distancing yourself healing a priority.
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