If you are prone to limerence, you most likely think you need to be stoic, immerse yourself in work and commit to living a hedonism-free life in order to avoid the allure of the next limerent object (LO). But, what if there are better ways that actually target the wirings of your subconscious mind, project you into a new reality and prime you to effortlessly seek and align with real, mutual love (if you even want a relationship)? What if, by adhering to a new attitude and practicing some psychological exercises, you can become a new version of yourself.. a version of you that isn’t attracted to LOs, but who still enjoys highs in life and lives on the edge?
Before we start, I want to tell you, and really tell you, that anything conceivable is possible as far as your own personal transformation goes. Anything that you put your mind to can be achieved. Sure, you cannot change your tendency to become limerent, i.e. your serotonergic, dopaminergic etc. genes that allow for the OCD, mania and instability of limerence. But, this does not mean that you need to ever fall into limerence again.
Obese people possess the neural makeup that primes humans for overeating, but millions manage to lose weight and keep it off every year. People with severe stutters cure themselves overnight and embark on public speaking adventures. All it takes is devoting yourself to a new you.
I’ll tell you a little secret: the topic of quantum shifting is growing immensely in traction in the field of neuroscience, and is the true basis of Law of Attraction success, hypotherapy, meditation and anything else that results in you shifting into another reality, emerging with a refreshed perspective. I’m incredibly excited to share with you three reality-hacking techniques that will render you immune to future limerent episodes instantly, whenever you tap into them.
1. Draw a Bright Line Behind Limerence
The brain does not understand “attempting” to do something, because doing things half-heartedly is not something our ancestors ever had the luxury to conceptualize. Rarely having time to think, they would commit to eating or not eating before setting off on a hunt, decide whether they were going to tolerate or attack an encountered alien tribe, and put their absolute all into any form of craftsmanship (building tools, huts) that they engaged in.
Of course, these same primitive people have endowed us with the majority of the genes that we inherit today; the result is that our lives are doomed if we believe we can just “try” things and actually get any results. This attitude is aligning you with the concept of your desire unfulfilled, and it is a very slippery slope to allow yourself to start accepting “just good enough” results. That is a surefire way to wake up and realize you have manifested a life that is undesirable and out of control.
It is easy to see this universal truth at play in other people’s lives. Perhaps you have an overweight friend who says “I’ve tried everything”, when the sad truth is that their words are empty. They are carrying around emotional trauma that is causing them to overeat and need to commit to targeting the very root cause; doing the occasional water fast will not undo constant snacking. Do you know someone who’s intelligent but lacks discipline, underperforming and manifesting mediocre outcomes? The chances are, they are continually “trying” to improve, yet have never deleted all their social media, set timers and actually got down to work.
Why? Because it’s grueling to dive in, and your body wants to keep you alive, rather than pushing you towards “non-essential” (i.e. not directly related to short-term survival) commitment and excellence. The brain is a computer, however, and can be easily rewired in order to tweak the new, altered emergent phenomenon that is your experience of reality. Deleting “try” and “attempt” from your vocabulary is one of the single most powerful ways to do this and will transform your life in ways you could never even imagine.
Limerence involves activation of addiction pathways and intoxicating, reinforcing euphoria. Your genetics want you to pair-bond with this person, to cling on, but it has got things wrong; unrequited love is a complete and utter hindrance to modern life and to building your vision, and you must draw a clear line behind it. Forget “trying to move on”, and “aiming to avoid future LOs”. You must commit to never again being trapped in a tantalizing but painful infatuation that keeps you glued to your phone and listening to sentimental music again. If blocks come up or you feel that limerence cannot be left behind, these are the direct reflections of shadows in your psyche that want to grab onto the intensity of the highs (addressed in point number two).
If you truly renounce limerence, your brain will switch on a cascade of genes (yes, changing their very expression through epigenetics, something I have researched) to match and bring into reality this new, free version of yourself that you are now vibrating at the frequency of. You will be tapping into pure source energy and consciously manifesting your future in a way that very few humans know how to do.
2. Follow What Makes Your Life Colorful
Limerence allows you to perceive life through a different, sparkly lens; this feels different for everyone, but is always utterly beautiful and blissful. Many people fall into careers that do not enthuse them, end up in tolerating unfulfilling marriages, or are otherwise jaded and not regularly tuning into their magic. If these people have the disposition and mental health tendencies that precede limerence, they will fall into tumultuous episode after tumultuous episode with similar LOs.
Why? They will be carrying around a slither of lack, glowing bright for the universe to see and for other people’s subconscious minds to detect. This universe is governed by the law of mirroring, which never stops working, akin to gravity; you will always get more of what you are, and can only align with things that are a vibrational match for you.
To learn exactly how to heal yourself from and permanently immunize yourself against limerence, grab my new book here.
Psychology is never random, nor is quantum physics. If you feel you have lost your ability to relax and feel safe in life, narcissistic LOs will flock to you like rats up a drainpipe and you will fall dangerously in love with them. Their initial charisma, commanding demeanor and love-bombing will render you weak, and their subsequent cruel tactics and devaluing of you only fuel your obsession through intermittent reward. Conversely, if you are simply not stimulated enough in your day-to-day life, your trigger archetype will be hyper-non-conforming, erratic and flighty LOs with borderline personality disorder or histrionic personality disorder. Connecting with people of this archetype who glow with authenticity, albeit in a messy and chaotic way, will provide you with a colossal hit of euphoria because you just want impact.
Past, present and potential LOs all have in common the ability to inundate you with the very feelings that you want from life. We break down limerence into many different facets, talking about unhealed wounds, obsessionality and rumination, and while these are all hallmarks of the disorder, there is another, more simplistic way of considering it as a phenomenon that englobes all of them.
What limerence comes down to is this: your LOs make you feel intensely because they give you something that your current life is not giving you. The only solution is to change your attitude in order to align with new experiences, people and, consequentially, attract those feelings into your life without needing limerence. If your life provided you with whatever you currently desire – whether it is safety, childhood-reminiscent bliss, the ability to be recognized for creative work, people with whom to have stimulating debates – you would not fall for the LOs that you fall for. They would simply NOT be able to offer you any type of high or any novel perspective through which to view reality.
Again, resistance will come up as you read this, because, despite possessing a developed prefrontal cortex, we are the owners of a glorified monkey brain and don’t feel that we can have what we want. We have it imprinted in our genetics to follow the herd, believe what the herd tells us, and to not take shots in the dark in case they render us incapable of securing food, shelter or protecting our families. You must realize that your brain’s very design will work against what your ego desires, because the primitive circuits it contains instill fear in you and make you feel that aiming for a new experience of reality is difficult or impossible.
This is not the case. As with altering your personality, it is remarkably easy to start to attract new, sparky friends, travel opportunities and generally radically transform your life to avoid future limerence. In fact, it’s easier than “easy”, for its instant: a quantum shift. Try it, and you will be blown away by your creative capacities. Most people react to the 3D world, without realizing that the beliefs in their subconscious minds have manifested every single aspect of this physical world of theirs. Become an intentional creator of the people, things, feelings and opportunities that make up your experience in this physical realm.
3. Realize You Want Recognition, And Seek It
Another truth that you should assimilate is the following: psychological needs cannot be “healed” away from, so they must be met. We have addressed the fact that person addiction only occurs when we are seeking something externally, yet feel incapable of making the changes in our lives that would allow for us to align with it healthily. Contrary to what many spiritual leaders preach, however, there is nothing wrong with desiring external things and wanting to attract external things that lead to you experiencing a rich array of emotions.
I would be curious to hear how many of you have had the following revelation dawn on you: that limerence is about craving soul recognition.
Limerents fall into magical ideation and believe they have met their twin flame, but what does this reveal about them, beyond the fact that their LO must induce special feelings in them? It reflects an unmet need for absolute, authentic recognition, and a consequent urge to deify their LO and have them embody just that. When limerent, we feel that our LOs peer right into our souls and read us in ways that no one has ever done before. We look for this because we need it, and there is nothing wrong with having a need. When by their side, we feel that the world takes on a surreal, soft integrity that we have not tasted since childhood. LOs impact us to such a degree because they are nearly always shrewd, intelligent and perceptive, with unclear emotional boundaries and the tendency to live in the moment and give their attention out in unpredictable doses. We extrapolate from this and start to see them as all-knowing demi-gods, the only people who can “save” us from the artificial pantomime of life we are trapped in.
This desperation for someone to make us feel better paired with negative self-talk (a.k.a. a poor mental diet) regarding our ability to even date anyone who does complement us is disastrous. It invariably manifests exactly what also resonates with that energy: a LO you pedestal and admire who orbits you, interacting with you now, and then but being too far above you for you to ever secure. Is this not an apt description of limerence? Are you starting to see just how every bout of unrequited love you have experienced has been not just fuelled by, but has been, a literal material print out of whatever belief system regarding romance you held in your mind at the time?
The issue is not the fact that you hold the image of an emotionally stimulating partner who sees you for who you are in your mind. In fact, this alone is positive, because knowing what you want is the first step towards consciously shifting your beliefs and manifesting that very outcome. There is a lot of strength in accepting that you desire something (NB: different to being desperate something), and after all, many people pick partners who they feel resonate with them specially. These people stay with those partners, however, and don’t deal with limerence. What’s the difference between you and your married male friend who loves having a female muse around to share his life with? What makes you different from your brother, who is thrilled to have a girlfriend who rock-climbs with him, when you want a partner to make you feel alive too, yet you only attract LOs?
The difference is this: these people have romantic preferences, for we all do, but they never put their partner on an insane psychological pedestal during the early dating phase because their partners didn’t hit like ecstasy. Perhaps they don’t possess the genetics to experience obsession and euphoria so can’t be limerent (post here), but let’s assume they do. Their lack of ecstasy upon their partner’s initial interest in reciprocation (and, hence, them transitioning into a relationship, and not a limerent nightmare) can be explained by two things; their primitive needs were met before meeting their partner, and they also weren’t carrying around a long, negative, self-perpetuated narrative about romance and their inability to attract and keep someone.
It’s easy to manifest someone who will fill your gaps (actually, it’s impossible not to, as the universe is governed by the law of mirroring). However, actually receiving this outcome and holding onto it (i.e. manifesting real love, rather than the partial manifestation of a LO appearing and wreaking havoc) is also contingent on you being self-assured, relaxed and happy without it.
You want to be sending this message out to the universe: “I know life is a game and I can have anything I want, but I adore and feel safe in the present moment and need nothing”. Unfortunately, there is no way around this – until you completely believe, are thrilled by and embody this affirmation, you will not be free from limerence. If it receives lukewarm intention, the universe will not be able to extrapolate and provide you with a blissful outcome, as I have delved into at the start of the post when discussing the illusory concept of “I’m trying to be successful”. There is absolutely no need to know the specifics of how you are going to be limerence free, however, or how you are going to eventually (if you do so wish) meet an exciting partner who sticks around, as the universe fills in gaps wonderfully. You just need to personify the energy of the wish fulfilled, and live your life as if you have what you want.
With that point covered, let’s get back to the topic: recognition, and its role in limerence. All humans want to be recognized and known for what they do and love. By human terms, limerence is a disorder, but can also be seen as a warning sign that your life is not providing you with what you need from your environment. If you want to avoid falling in toxic, pathological love with the next LO who shows an inquisitive interest in your inner world that no one else seems to notice, you must set your life up so that you can experience moments of true attention, praise, recognition and social ecstasy as often as possible.
- If limerence has been a key issue for you for a while, it should be quite effortless for you to manifest a couple of new, kindred spirit friends who you feel resonate with you in an uncanny way. Experiencing platonic friends slipping in and out of your inner world a wonderful, innocent reminder that authenticity is not limited to romance!
- Allow everything that you enjoy and are good at to become the fullest expression of itself possible. Going back to the first strategy mentioned in this article, you must put your all into everything that you agree to doing in this life. This will allow you to build momentum and energetically align with more things that confirm to you that you are successful and abundant, and will also inexorably lead to the type of social recognition that your limbic brain is screaming out for.
- What did you wish for out of life as a child? If you desire someone to value your poetry, start a blog and keep at it; I guarantee that it will grow exponentially if you believe it will, and you will be shifting your future to make away for The Poet version of you. If you are working a corporate job and tired of how detached the work makes you feel, quit your job, undergo teacher training and waltz into this new chapter of your life.
Take risks, accept nothing that is not matched to your desired expression of self and you will achieve exactly what you want. Once you realize that you possess these creative capabilities and can reach the heights of magical euphoria in any way that you wish, limerence as an experience will grow pale and you will see it for the lackluster, shallow and unproductive neurochemical rollercoaster it is.
Update: Neville Goddard and Limerence
Many of you have written in to tell me that this novel overlap between quantum-style thinking and neuroscience resonates with you immensely. I cannot tell you how much that enthuses me, as I am incredibly passionate about imparting what I know to be true and liberating.
This form of conscious reality-creating was undeniably pioneered by Neville Goddard, a profoundly influential man who came to realize that his ticket to bliss lay in altering his beliefs and assumptions. Coining what we now call the Law of Assumption, he delivered free seminars in which he taught his students how to manifest anything conceivable through planting different thoughts in their subconscious minds.
This is far more powerful than the traditional Law of Attraction, which does not work if we do not fundamentally alter our self-image. I sincerely owe much of my successful and magical life to discovering him and reading all of his available work while I was a teenager. I highly recommend grabbing all ten of his short books for cheap in this collection, but if you fancy just dipping your toes in, The Feeling Is The Secret is quite phenomenal:
If I could change one thing about this world, it would be to teach every teenager how to control their subconscious mind and to consciously manifest. Everything, and I mean everything, flows in abundance once this is nailed. Drinking too much becomes unappealing, friends are found naturally, limerence is no longer a problem, autoimmune diseases and acne wither away to nothing because the body is in a regenerative state and inflammation and cortisol are low, and money moves towards you effortlessly because you are engaging with the world as your fullest self.
We sometimes see a lag with regards to research science catching up with new schools of thought, but the transformation is already underway. Scientists are starting to critically evaluate established dogmas, and slowly but surely come around to the notion that studying quantum physics is the missing piece in the puzzle. It is essential in the understanding and resolution of all of the neuroscientific, psychological, chemical and spiritual conundrums we are faced with in this day and age. Everything is energy, nothing is created accidentally, and everything can be solved first-principle style.
On that note, I desire you a wonderful week full of authenticity.