Limerence is a heart-wrenchingly complex and overwhelming experience, and it can be difficult to think clearly when you are caught up in the emotions and thoughts that come with it. However, striving to view yourself, your limerent object, and life itself clearly is a crucial part of the recovery process. One way to do this is by using Stoic principles to engage with limerence recovery and heal.
Here are some principles from Stoic philosophy that can help you engage with limerence recovery and heal:
1. Embrace the dichotomy of control
One of the core principles of Stoicism is the dichotomy of control, which distinguishes between things that are within our control and things that are not. When it comes to limerence, this means recognizing that you cannot control the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of your LO, but you can control your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. By focusing on what you can control, you can start to take ownership of your own recovery and make progress towards healing.
2. Practice self-awareness and self-reflection
Self-awareness and self-reflection are core skills for recovering from limerence. The ability to detach your self-scrutiny from your moment-to-moment emotional state allows you to be more aware of what you are feeling and why. This can help you identify triggers and patterns of behavior that contribute to limerence (and keep you trapped on the hamster wheel!), and develop strategies to manage them. As Seneca wrote in his Moral Letters to Lucilius, “We must scrutinize our minds, and investigate the truth about ourselves”1.
3. Accept reality and cultivate resilience
Another core principle of Stoicism is accepting reality as it is, rather than trying to change it. When it comes to limerence, this means accepting that your LO does not feel the same way about you, and that you may need to let go of your attachment to them. By accepting reality, you can start to move on and focus on other areas of your life. Cultivating resilience is also important, as it allows you to bounce back from adversity and keep moving forward even when things get tough.
4. Strive for balance and live in accordance with nature
Stoicism emphasizes the importance of striving for balance and living in accordance with nature. This means recognizing that everything in life is impermanent and subject to change, and that we should focus on living a virtuous life rather than pursuing external goods. By striving for balance and living in accordance with nature, we can find peace and contentment in our lives, even in the face of adversity.
That’s all for today! I hope I’ve inspired you to lean into Stoicism to help you see things as they are.
Once you learn do this, it doesn’t matter how stormy your inner world feels (or how high your emotions run). You’ll engage with the recovery principles properly, you’ll put one foot in front of the other, and you’ll become a version of yourself who CANNOT fall into limerence.
This is real healing – rising above the pattern that is ‘limerence’. No suppression, no walking on eggshells… just pure incompatibility with your lower limerent self.