We are all familiar with the societally popular aphorism ‘it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey’. Most of us have probably contemplated it and agreed with it, or even uttered it at some point; it seems inoffensive, not too cheesy and, unlike many other quotes that are thrown around, to hold true for most situations. After all, we set ourselves goals and attempt to smash them, but life’s ultimately really about the growth that we achieve as a result of reaching our objectives, right? And the actual reward a mere side effect?

Well, yes and no.

It is certainly true that you do spend your life transitioning towards goals. In this sense, it is accurate to say that the journey is incredibly important – because it constitutes the bulk of your life, and should be enjoyed as much as possible. It is also for this reason that we are better off, occasionally, avoiding setting ourselves certain goals if we don’t think we’re going to cope with what the journey entails. If you are naturally extremely goal-oriented, you must learn how to occasionally constrain your goals to avoid a life characterised by nothing but excessive work and burnout. So, all in all, the work that you put into achieving what that you set out to achieve – i.e. the journey – is unequivocally relevant to your life. That much we can all agree on.

However, the destination is OF UTMOST importance because it is what you actually want to achieve. It is the reason why you are embarking on the journey. It is something that you are willing to sacrifice something else – whether that be time, effort, hard work or a mixture – in order to bring into your life.

Getting Results Means Ignoring Most Conventional, Feel-Good Advice

The problem is, society has slid towards perpetuating the notion that “it doesn’t matter if we don’t reach our goals, as long as we enjoy the journey – because it’s all about the growth that we’re undertaking, anyway.”

This attitude is not necessarily always problematic. For example, if someone aspires to die with a net worth of $10M, but they end up only gathering $2M (yet live a life they loved), this could easily be reframed as a positive ‘failure’. While they did not meet their big monetary goal, merely striving to meet it probably oriented them well and sharpened their financial acumen, enabling them to provide for their family while also having great experiences… which the additional responsibilities associated with earning more money may have made them miss out on.

However, this type of thinking is nearly always highly limiting and fallacious. It deludes people astoundingly – as well as rendering them even less driven to tap into their potential than they have already been conditioned to be (by the comforts of modern life). It promotes going around in circles, wasting years ‘reading, researching and thinking’ in the name of vague self-improvement that cannot be tracked by any metrics, and, most importantly, it makes designing and carving out the right path – or journey – almost impossible.

After all, in order to establish a clear plan of action that will solve a serious problem in your life and/or catapult you towards your dream reality, you need to get very clear on what your goal (a.k.a. destination) is. You need to allow the subjective reality of achieving your goal to saturate your subconscious mind when it is most receptive, something I cover in-depth in The Limerent Mind.

You need to wholeheartedly commit to reaching that goal as quickly, efficiently and intelligently as possible – which requires a keen appetite to reach said goal and a sensation of rising excitement at the idea of doing so. Which is diametrically opposed to the relaxed, live-in-the-moment attitude adhered to by the ‘it’s all about the journey’ proponents.

The Limerence Recovery Journey

What does this have to do with limerence, you may be asking?

All limerent individuals have a very clear goal, even if they are not yet aware that achieving it is well within their reach: to feel completely limerence-immune, emotionally stable, abundant, inspired and joyful. To be completely free from person addiction, and to never fall back into grips again. To be able to live life and love life, without walking on eggshells… to curate and permanently embody completely new versions of themselves that are simply incompatible with the nightmarish obsessionality of limerence.

However, when you’re suffering from an affliction as psychological as limerence, it’s all too easy to buy into ‘fluffy’ self-help narratives that try to soothe your current pain. It’s all too easy to listen to individuals who tell you that “it’s really about the journey, and doesn’t matter if you recover or not.” They might tell you that “it’s fine to cry about unrequited love for months/years – at least you’re trying to heal!”, or that “it doesn’t matter if you fail to get over this person, as long as you’re ‘growing’!”

You Can (And Will) Achieve Excellent Results

Don’t allow yourself to be influenced by such limiting, sloppy stances when it comes to curing your limerence habit. Don’t let yourself be tricked into thinking that you should engage in vague ‘spiritual growth’ that involves no measurable goal, or simply ‘increase your self-love.’ You deserve more – you deserve real, permanent immunity from obsessive unrequited love. The only way this is achieved is by a). setting yourself the right goal and owning it, and b). ascertaining and meeting your unmet needs, transforming your belief systems and radically transforming your self-concept.

These steps are covered in immense depth in The Limerent Mind. Also feel free to check out my second supplementary book Twenty Limerence Errors to learn how you’re almost definitely subtly sabotaging your own progress, and my recently launched limerence-specific affirmations.

Conclusion

It’s about the destination, because the journey simply gets you there.

Homing in on your goal, as well as getting very objectively clear on what you need to do to reach it, allows the magic to happen: you enjoy a seamless journey AND actually reach your target.

You’ll know you’ve reached your destination when you’re permanently freed of the problem that was bothering you… and when you know that you’re now a version of yourself who will never have to deal with it again. In essence, the journey can only be considered worthwhile when it is fruitful and takes you to your destination as directly as possible… further corroborating the idea that the destination is what really matters!

This is true in all domains of life, but particularly crucial to assimilate when you desire freedom from a tenacious psychological pattern like limerence (that will initially feel unintuitive and uncomfortable to exit). When recovering from limerence, you must focus on your goal of emotional freedom and accept nothing but linear, trackable improvements in your mental health as you glide towards it.