In this day and age, intuition is revered as infallible. We’re told that it never lies, and to trust our gut – but what does the scientific research actually say?
Like most things in life, the truth about intuition is complex and nuanced. A good chunk of scientific research demonstrates that intuition can be surprisingly insightful. But, intuition is also frequently totally incorrect and unhelpful – especially when it comes to healing from emotional affairs.
Intuition is the conscious sensing—a gut feeling, a voice, a flash of insight—of unconscious ‘thinking’. And like any form of ‘thinking’, intuition is far from perfect.
This is no more true than when it comes to obsessive love, where blindly trusting intuition is nearly always the best way to dig yourself deeper into person addiction.
Simply put, you must get used to dismissing your ’emotional intuition’ while limerent. Permanently healing from limerence always requires that you step into a new self-concept – that’s the basis of the entire recovery regimen that I teach.
And, it just so happens that the superior, limerence-immune version of yourself will possess a more reliable sense of intuition.
But, until you’ve blossomed into him or her, follow logic and reason over your gut feelings. Actively EXPECT your gut feelings to try and keep you trapped in the ruminative, painful cycles that you so deeply seek freedom from. It’s never personal, it’s simply how the brain has evolved; limerence is, as most of you recognise, a huge evolutionary glitch.
So, always remember that freedom comes from doing the very opposite of what currently feels natural and is keeping you limerent. Here are some of these nefarious habits:
- Assigning too much value to your limerent object/LO
- Fantasising about your LO
- Telling yourself that they’re your soulmate
- Getting rapid dopamine hits from your LO’s social media
- Believing limerence is ‘real love’ and better than requited romance
- Telling yourself that ‘your case is different’
- Viewing the world dualistically (things are either LO-related and interesting, or non-LO-related and a boring waste of time.
- Failing to accept that YOU, too, can completely heal from limerence and NEVER suffer from it again.
While limerent, your intuition will keep you trapped in these obsolete, damaging thought loops until you dare to show it who’s boss.
Recovering from limerence is very simple, but not easy – it requires commitment and faith in your brain’s ability to heal.
Thank you Lucy for your book. I am forever grateful. Limerence, now that I have a name for it, is one of the worst things (top 3) that has ever happened to me. You are truly generous for sharing, explaining and helping.
Darlene
I am married and have two children. I got attached to another parent who I spoke with for nearly two years at the school pickup and drop off. I would look forward to seeing her and hoped for the chance to have a small brief chat when possible. When I realised I was starting to like her, i removed my connection with her on social media, avoided picking up the kids at the same time and got my wife to do all parent gatherings / parties without me. I told my wife I was starting to have feelings for somebody else and I didn’t know what to do. After 12 years of being with my wife, I had never felt this way about anybody else in my past. Things where not perfect in my marriage but I never saw myself as a cheat or wanting to be with somebody else. I started therapy a few weeks ago as I was not sleeping and I could not stop feeling the way I do. My wife knew everything and I decided to tell the other parent what was going on. I hoped, putting everything out in the open would selfishly help me move on. I had tried so many things to distract the way I feel. I felt trapped and alone. As you can imagine, telling the other lady freaked her out. She blanked me for months at school pickup and told her husband. My anxiety went through the roof and I became so depressed and withdrawn from family and friends. Limerence bought me to my knees. I now have to see my horrible crush look at me like she wished I didn’t exist and her husband avoid me like her. I am lost for words to say how embarrassed and ashamed I am. I hate everything about limerence and myself. Hopefully, I will feel better in my own skin again. I wish I knew others who have been through this life changing experience. I pray I never go through this again on my lifetime.