In this post, I want to present you with a really insightful concept called ergodicity. While it’s typically associated with physics and finance, it applies to all areas of life. I promise it’ll be of value to you; understanding ergodicity will dramatically increase your understanding of why you must (and will) eliminate obsessive love from your life.
If something is ergodic, the average outcome of the group is the same as the average outcome of the individual over time. A great example of an ergodic activity is tossing a coin; regardless of whether 1000 people flip a coin once, or ONE person flips a coin 1000 times, the outcome will be the same (assumedly, a near-50:50 ratio of heads and tails).
However, very few things are ergodic in real life; non-ergodicity is pervasive in the financial markets, in cellular processes and in our own psychology.
One key thing that makes something non-ergodic is the ability to be ‘totally wiped out and removed from the game’ or ‘damaged enough that your ability to play the game is affected’.
Imagine our example of the coin toss, with two rules introduced:
1) Half of the group are given a special weighted coin, which is more than 50% likely to land heads-up.
2) Anyone who yields four heads in a row is permanently eliminated from the game.
Would the average outcome of the group (1000 people tossing the coin once) STILL be the same as the outcome of ONE person over time (tossing it 1000 times)?
No, not anymore.
A few equations could be devised to predict what would happen in the 1000-person group scenario; due to the weighted coin, the distribution of heads:tails would no longer be 50:50. It would be higher, potentially something like 60:40. And, since each of the 1000 people only toss the coin once, none of the will be eliminated – so rule number 2 wouldn’t affect the group average.
But, what about the individual tossing the coin 1000 times?
Now, we see a game resembling Russian Roulette.
- The individual might get a weighted coin BUT get lucky enough to avoid getting four heads in a row, staying in the game for 1000 rounds against all odds.
- They might get a weighted coin and get eliminated after four rounds.
- Regardless, the ratio of heads:tails that a single person ends up with over a long time horizon is NOT going to be the same as the ensemble average (the 1000 people tossing a coin once).
It just so happens that dating/romance is highly non-ergodic.
Consider the outcome of 20 different people falling limerent once, and one person falling limerent 20 times. It takes little imagination to see that these two scenarios aren’t close to being equal.
One individual who experiences 20 limerent episodes is likely to reach a point of complete exhaustion, and to remove themself from the dating world forever. They might neglect their work, physical health and friendships, leading to a complete wipe-out situation.
On the other hand, 20 people who each experience one limerent episode may not be all to disastrous.
You might wonder why I’m framing the serial-limerent outcome so pessimistically. After all, I’ve dedicated this website to providing solutions to cure limerence – and I speak extremely positively about how anyone and everyone can recover permanently.
Well, I wanted to introduce you all to the topic of non-ergodicity to EMPHASISE the utter importance of removing limerence from your life. Of liberating yourself, once and for all. Because romantic feelings have intense effects on all areas of your life. Twenty limerent episodes CAN consume your life and result in total burn-out, and I don’t want you to have to experience that.
Freedom is within absolutely everyone’s reach; if you’re on your 19th limerent object, please don’t despair. But, do remember that limerence is an irrational state that can lead to impulsive decisions and undesirable life outcomes. So don’t allow yourself to suffer unnecessarily – remember that life is non-ergodic, and choose to be rational and recover.
For information on how to unstick your brain and become immune to limerence, check out my resources here.