We all know that being in love in a wild and obsessive way is, when unrequited, agonizing; until you overcome your feelings, you are confined to the front seat of an emotional rollercoaster that you cannot escape. You will be plunged from heights of euphoria to dismal depression that can make working and social commitments very difficult. However, there are also clear objective benefits to possessing the disposition that allows for the experience of these intense romantic feelings.
1. Intense Life Chapters Filled With Euphoria
Anyone who has experienced a limerence that has cut them to the core and had them manically depressed will relate tremendously to this concept: life feels more ‘real’ in this state. So many adults end up living in autopilot and carrying out the same tasks every day, with temporary breaks; limerence, on the other hand, inundates you with such overwhelming feelings and washes your prefrontal cortex with dopamine.
In such states, you form far more emotionally-evocative memories that never really fade. Even when the infatuation ends and you can see your limerent object for the flawed and potentially toxic person that they are, certain stimuli will reliably bring you back to intense moments and feelings. Music, perfumes, flavors and even conversational topics that you were exposed to while their attention revved your reward system up will trigger pangs of nostalgia and remind you that life can be drug-like.
Despite having learnt to live well with my limerent tendencies thanks to understanding and researching the brain inside out, I will never be able to eat a chicken sandwich without remembering how I would polish them off in my university library while lovesick over an individual with borderline personality disorder. Primitive survival-driven mechanisms are in place in all of our brains, and no former limerent, no matter how cerebral or committed to staying infatuation-free, is immune to occasionally how ecstatic and delicious the feelings can be.
2. Opportunities For Immense Introspection and Growth
Few people are as driven to write diary entries, read up on psychology and try to ascertain their attachment style and unhealed wounds as the limerent in pain. Each time you are infatuated with someone, a unique set of feelings and stances towards life surface in you; no two people can make you feel the same way. In this sense, each infatuation/limerence is immensely rewarding with regards to self-growth.
You must move on from the fantasies about living a married life with this person, as the passion is not mutual; to leave the delusion that someone is your soulmate, you must align yourself with different things. Changing your mental diet and assumptions, clarity about the traits that you want in a real partner (i.e. someone who can fall for you!) and spiritual alignment with a greater purpose that helps dull your heartache are all likely and positive consequences. This vulnerable yet magical state is partially akin to childhood, when you are assimilating and learning new things and unknowingly analyzing your environment in an unjaded way.
3. A Motivated, Charismatic and Witty Disposition
As with any other mental phenomenon or ‘illness’, states of limerence/infatuation are underpinned by certain neural factors. In other words, limerents all possess a tangibly different brain morphology and functionality to people who are ‘level’ and stable in romance and incapable of being swept up to such heights. This may sound spurious, since (unfortunately) neuroscience research does not tend to focus on romantic inclinations, but I can state it as a truth because all mental symptoms have neural correlates, and limerence involves a marked and predictable set of symptoms.
What does this mean? Even if you manage to avoid limerent episodes permanently, as I do, you will always be prone to the disorder when unfulfilled, romantically frustrated, not intellectually challenged or otherwise living a suboptimal existence. Your brain knows that it can get instant hits of euphoria by potentiating networks of pathways pertaining to an individual, so will certainly do so.
However, the benefits of having this type of neural composition are also plentiful. People who experience serial infatuations are typically perceptive, curious, witty and capable of remarkably fluid language use. They are individuals who are capable of significant highs and lows in all aspects of their life, resulting in them harbouring a set of passions that they love and forming stimulating friendships that are truly exciting to them. Many people live dull existences and do not feel things intensely past childhood, so you are one of the lucky ones in many ways!