What if you are sure that you are ready to transform your concept of self and put in the necessary work, but you still occasionally break down and cry over your limerent object (LO)? Does that mean that you are destined to remain stuck in impossible, embarrassing, unrequited love? Absolutely not!
Blaming someone’s poor emotional boundaries for the generation of your limerence is counterproductive and inaccurate. This is for two reasons: a). the fact that you will never overcome this LO if you fixate on them on any way, and b). the fact that aligning with a toxic LO and falling for them is impossible, and I repeat impossible, if you are not carrying around problematic beliefs imprinted in your subconscious.
If you are prone to limerence, you most likely think you need to be stoic, immerse yourself in work and commit to living a hedonism-free life in order to avoid the allure of the next limerent object (LO). But, what if there are better ways that actually target the wirings of your subconscious mind, project you into a new reality and prime you to effortlessly seek and align with real, mutual love (if you even want a relationship)?
Not enough people lay everything out on the table to be seen and felt. Not enough people describe how it feels to actually be addicted to, pedestalling and obsessing over someone else. It is for this reason that I have taken it upon myself to depict, to a vulnerable degree of detail, what a bad limerent episode looks like. Additionally, I like to think that this will help settle the doubts and intrusive thoughts circling around your brain.
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The most profound lesson that limerence has taught me is to not buy into crazily strong emotions and worry that they will last forever; intensity doesn’t promise permanence. The reasoning centers of your brain will try with all their might to convince you that you will never forget someone irresistible enough to send you through ecstasy and depression, but that is completely untrue.
We all know that being in love in a wild and obsessive way is, when unrequited, agonizing; until you overcome your feelings, you are confined to the front seat of an emotional rollercoaster that you cannot escape. You will be plunged from heights of euphoria to dismal depression that can make working and social commitments very difficult. However, there are also clear objective benefits to possessing the disposition that allows for the experience of intense romantic feelings.
The vast majority of the literature on limerence concerns overcoming and fighting the phenomenon as if it were a disease, which feels immensely counterintuitive when the euphoric heights it allows you to climb to are so dizzying. How can it be right to dismiss the opportunity of being with your true soulmate, when so few people thrill you in this way? Why should I label this wonderful, intelligent and enticing person as ‘my LO’ and distance myself from their attention when I have never had such amazing conversations with them?
In this post, I will break down the reasons why nearly everyone with the neural makeup that results in limerence comes to the same conclusion: that it is best to consider limerence something strongly pathological and unwanted, even if you are single and not tied down by children.
In comparison to stable and requited love, limerence is an all-consuming and powerful phenomenon that involves a neurobiological addiction to attention from the desired person. A complex and painful experience, it encompasses not only sharp, giddying highs and lows, but also a strong sense of having found one’s ‘true love’; in fact, most limerents believe that they have found the love of their life and that their feelings will never fade.
Here are eight hallmark features of limerence. If most of these resonate you, you are certainly experiencing a temporary limerent episode and must make distancing yourself healing a priority.
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