It is crucial to realise that your beliefs about yourself, the world and what you can/should expect from your connections with others are at the very crux of limerence. Of course, genetics do play an irrefutable role in your chances of suffering from it; only a small percentage of the population possesses the limerent neural makeup/is sufficiently obsessional, goal-driven and prone to mania and depression to fall into the state in the first place. However, being naturally of the ‘limerent disposition’ does not mean you need to ever experience painful unrequited love and neurochemical madness again. It is completely possible to become permanently immune to limerence and enjoy life as your true, independent, fulfilled self.
Recovery from limerence pertains to addressing its psychological root causes, can be divided into two principal facets. It involves a). ascertaining your unmet psychological needs and making active changes to meet them in whatever ways you can and b). instilling new belief systems into your subconscious mind to transform yourself into a version of yourself who thinks, feels and acts differently and is no longer limerence-prone. You see, what you believe to be true on a deep, intuitive level impinges on quite literally every facet of your life.
No Longer A Fit For Limerence
Fortunately, there are a lot of physiological and mental afflictions under the sun that you are not prone to; despite being capable of contemplating the reality of these disorders and feeling sorry for their sufferers, you ultimately know and feel that you are not going to fall victim to them. The goal is to become someone who feels the same way about limerence – who remembers its ebbs and flows and how it once affected you, but is simply no longer lured in by or at all vulnerable to it.
Achieving this is contingent on you altering your belief systems in a way that will forever render you unaligned with limerence. There is a version of you that is a). incapable of slipping into and tolerating the dysfunctional dynamic of the LO-limerent bond, b). incapable of feeling attracted to your ‘trigger archetype’ in the first place, c). refreshed and unjaded with regards to romance (whether you are single or have a partner) and d). generally wholly energised and enthused about life. The only gap between you and this collected, inspired, emotionally stable version of you is the beliefs that you harbour about how the world works. Our beliefs and assumptions, you see, are always reflected in the external world in the form of scenarios/people/opportunities/problems we attract, often over and over again. This leads us to believe that they are sensible deductions – objective truths about how things work – when really, they actively create the events in our reality. They dictate who we align with, who and what we tolerate, how hard we work, and even our physiological health.
How Can You Modify Your Most Deep-Rooted Negative Beliefs?
The foolproof way to alter the beliefs and assumptions you subscribe to is to communicate with your subconscious mind when it is most receptive. Right before you fall asleep, you are certain to catch your prime window of Alpha brain wave activity (8-12 Hz). In this state of relaxed wakefulness, your brain is extremely impressionable. Anything that you feel to be real during this time is taken by your brain as objective reality. This will induce the formation of new neural pathways and, consequentially, new stances towards yourself, others, romance and life itself in consonance with whatever you have chosen to plant.
The two most potent subconscious reprogramming techniques are a). visualisations (i.e. looping mini mental movies in your head that depict you as the person you wish to be, experiencing what you desire to experience) and b). affirmations that feel powerful and sound appealing to you. It is ideal to employ both techniques, but if you are aphantasic (incapable of visualising imagery in your head), well-crafted affirmations will be sufficient to conjure up what you need to cajole your brain into changing itself.
You see, both of these techniques are, actually, means to exactly the same end; they are tools to help you stir up and bask in new emotions that imply that you are already living in your future reality. This, and only this, is what is going to alter the fundamental wirings of your subconscious, radically alter deeply engrained beliefs for the better and land you in a new reality, effortlessly playing out the role of an improved version of you. You do not need to be able to imagine your mental scenes as vividly as you would see them in real life, nor is the exact wording of your affirmations important.
Implementing The Techniques
These past few weeks, I been lucky enough to have time to update my book The Limerent Mind (updated version available here). Principally, I’ve added in a large section explaining the exact steps you’ll need to take to employ these two subconscious reprogramming techniques and precisely and scientifically plant new beliefs in your receptive brain. These techniques are highly potent – applying them before you drift off to sleep every day for several weeks will influence your feelings towards your LO, other people and yourself in magical, transformative ways. But, don’t take my word for it – try this out yourself, experimenting with instilling specific, self-serving beliefs and seeing just how your mood, energy levels, and the bridges of incidents that unfold in your life mirror them back to you.
Please report back; I would love to hear about your personal experience with this aspect of the recovery programme!
When will you be updating the kindle version?
Hi there, both the kindle version and the Amazon paperback version of The Limerent Mind were fully updated yesterday.
Hi there,
Been a serious limerent for years. Your book was an amazing revelation. I have been following the techniques and with the help of NAC too and some cognitive therapy, I feel good and well-equipped not to fall into the limerent trap again, which seemed impossible half a year ago. Im still work in progress but the techniques, specially listening to self affirmations before sleep and NAC, have changed my subconcious mind in profound ways. So thanks, Lucy!
Fantastic, I am delighted to hear this – well done! Thank you for sharing this comment and reminding others that complete freedom is also within their reach.
Hello!
An astonishing book. To say it was helpful is a massive understatement. Going back for my second full read now. Loved the writing style, the clear instructions, the neuroscience and psychological underpinnings and, most of all, the hope it delivers.