Solutions to obsessive unrequited love.
The most profound lesson that limerence has taught me is to not buy into crazily strong emotions and worry that they will last forever; intensity doesn’t promise permanence. The reasoning centers of your brain will try with all their might to convince you that you will never forget someone irresistible enough to send you through ecstasy and depression, but that is completely untrue.
Comments closedWe all know that being in love in a wild and obsessive way is, when unrequited, agonizing; until you overcome your feelings, you are confined to the front seat of an emotional rollercoaster that you cannot escape. You will be plunged from heights of euphoria to dismal depression that can make working and social commitments very difficult. However, there are also clear objective benefits to possessing the disposition that allows for the experience of intense romantic feelings.
Comments closedThe vast majority of the literature on limerence concerns overcoming and fighting the phenomenon as if it were a disease, which feels immensely counterintuitive when the euphoric heights it allows you to climb to are so dizzying. How can it be right to dismiss the opportunity of being with your true soulmate, when so few people thrill you in this way? Why should I label this wonderful, intelligent and enticing person as ‘my LO’ and distance myself from their attention when I have never had such amazing conversations with them?
In this post, I will break down the reasons why nearly everyone with the neural makeup that results in limerence comes to the same conclusion: that it is best to consider limerence something strongly pathological and unwanted, even if you are single and not tied down by children.
Comments closedIt is human nature to think back to being an individualized and atomized single human when in a committed relationship, but if you experience frequent intrusive thoughts about how much freer you were without romantic obligations, you are a ticking time bomb. Sooner or later, this craving to be single and meet new people, focus ‘selfishly’ on your own projects and not have to fuss over texting your partner goodnight will inundate your mind and push you towards a). being unfaithful or b). ending the relationship (certainly the more moral option).
Comments closedIn comparison to stable and requited love, limerence is an all-consuming and powerful phenomenon that involves a neurobiological addiction to attention from the desired person. A complex and painful experience, it encompasses not only sharp, giddying highs and lows, but also a strong sense of having found one’s ‘true love’; in fact, most limerents believe that they have found the love of their life and that their feelings will never fade.
Here are eight hallmark features of limerence. If most of these resonate you, you are certainly experiencing a temporary limerent episode and must make distancing yourself healing a priority.
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